The Geek Hierachy, New and possibly Improved!

Mr. S showed Sci something hilarious today when she got home from work (yes, she works on a Sunday. She’s a post-doc). The something he showed was this:

This is the geek heirarchy (bigger version here), and is a basic flow chart of who is considered to be the most nerdy among the nerds, they geekiest of the geeks, the dorkiest of the dorks.

Actually, they just say geek. It’s often easier than adding in Nerd and Dork because you then have to distinguish between the three definitions (there IS a difference. If you did not immediately KNOW that there was a difference, you are clearly none of the above). But many people perceive geek as being the most “cool” (relatively speaking) of the three terms, and so geek has become kind of a catchall.

So Mr. S and Sci laughed over this flowchart for a while. And then, being the MASSIVE nerds that we are, we started critiquing it. Where were the magic cards? Where was Warhammer? What about STAR WARS?! What about the people who may not buy replicas of famous swords, but DO proudly wear Star Trek corsetry and that necklace Arwen gave to Aragorn in LOTR?! And what about the people who attend anime conventions in costume?! They feel woefully underrepresented here. Furthermore, how do you rank if you, say, have seen all the Star Wars movies, know them by heart, AND are a Heinlein fan, AND refuse to watch anime unless it’s in the original Japanese with subtitles?!

Obviously this flowchart is flawed.

And Mr. S and I think WE CAN DO BETTER. We can do better for ourselfs, and for all our geeks out there.

We need a ranking system.

So here we go.

The idea behind all of this was to really come to a CULMINATION of a person’s geekitude. A way to really comprehend rank within the geek universe (which I have to imagine has some killer world-building, and also you can pick your species by which you will be represented), and determine who you must bow down to, who you must become friends with, and who you need to steal lunch money from.

So here’s how it works. Below is a list with point values for various aspects of geekdom. You get a certain number of points, and from that, you can generate a number which we will call your Geek Score.

Here is how to compute your Geek Score: For each of the categories below (and there are a lot), give yourself the number of points if you qualify. At the end, you will have a culmination of your Geekitude. And then, being the competitive people we are, you can see how you rank!

Here we go:

1) Books

1a) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 1 point.

• You have read the complete works of your favorite author, preferably several times.
• You embark on long, passionate discourses regarding the themes of your favorite books to anyone who will listen.
• You are a huge fan of Heinlein/Harry Potter/Tolkein/Austen/Martin/Shakespeare/Twilight/etc.
• You read a lot of Sci-fi and/or comics.

1b) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 5 points.

• You have read the complete works of all 5 of your favorite authors, preferably several times.
• You write your own fan fics based on your favorite works.
• You’re STILL a Robert Jordan fan.  STILL.  And it’s going to better soon.  Just like it used to be.
• You read a lot of fantasy. You have imagined yourself as a child with a companion animal that could project thoughts into your head or speak a language only you could understand.
• You read fan fics, feeling a little shameful, but you LOVE IT.
• You distinguish haughtily between comics and graphic novels.
• When you walk into the local comic store, the owner knows you by name, and has your pile of books for the week ready for you.
• Some of your best friends are books.
• When you attempt to sell, give away, or otherwise reduce your book collection, you try not to cry and tell each of them that they will go to a good home

1c) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 10 points.

• You have read the complete works of your favorite authors, and for those still alive, camp out and/or go to midnight parties for readings and releases of the next book.
• You buy two copies of each comic book that comes out, so one can stay in mint condition.
• You write fan fics based on your favorite works in which your favorite characters hook up in a manner entirely not canon and/or you insert yourself into the fan fic in a terrible, horrible, no good Mary-Sue-type manner.
• You read fan fics containing Mary Sue characters and slash-fic, and YOU LOVE IT.
• You stopped reading comics for a while, and the local comic book store went out of business.  This was not coincidental.
• Your only friends are books.
• You would NEVER NEVER EVER give away, sell, or otherwise reduce your book collection. When the apocalypse comes, it will be you, a few cans of food, and your BOOKS. Maybe without the food.

2) Movies

2a) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 1 point.

• You have seen, of your own free will all of the Star Wars movies, Star Trek movies, Harry Potter movies, Twilight movies, LOTR movies, etc.
• You eagerly debate the merits of your favorite movie as compared to the book/graphic novel/TV show.
• You think people are far more attractive when they are members of another species.

2b) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 5 points.

• You have seen any of the movies listed above, of your own free will, WAY more than once.
• You haunt message boards and sites waiting for your next movie to come out.
• You frequently reenact your favorite scenes from your favorite movies with your friends.

2c) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 10 points.

• You have created your own fan sequel to your favorite movie and have posted it up on YouTube.
• You have already made your costume for waiting in line at the premiere of the next movie.
• In your mind, Han ALWAYS shot first.
• you own a life-size, cardboard cutout of one of your favorite characters. You may or may not have slept with it in the bed.

3) TV/Anime

3a) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 1 point.

• You’re a Joss Whedon fan
• You’ll watch anime with voiceovers.
• You own all of the episodes of your favorite shows.

3b) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 5 points.

• You sing along to Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog.
• You will ONLY watch anime in the original Japanese with subtitles
• You use “gorram” in your daily speech. Yeah, I’ll be in my bunk.
• You have watched ALL of the episodes of your favorite anime. ALL OF THEM. Even including the crappy filler arcs.

3c) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 10 points.

• You are keeping your calendar/Tivo clear for 2011 if the Martin HBO pilot episode airs.
• You learned Japanese so you wouldn’t need no stinkin’ subtitles.
• You live your life pretending that you are a CHARACTER from your favorite TV shows. Plus 10 points if that character is not human.
• You are wearing a Darth Vader helmet right now.
• You are a leaf on the wind.

4) Conventions, Role Playing, and Reenactments

4a) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 1 point.

• You want to, or have been to a convention/reenactment/LARP once.
• You own a costume from your favorite time period/universe/game.
• You dress up for Ren Faires and/or are in the SCA.

4b) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 5 points.

• You would never miss your favorite convention.
• You LARP more than once a month.
• You have reenacted your favorite time period, including but not limited to Civil War, Revolutionary War, Napoleonic War, Tudor, Medieval, Roman or Greek.
• You have spent gratuitous amounts of money on any of the following: a replica sword that won’t sharpen, a replica sword evoking a particular character, that one necklace that Arwen wore, a replica time-turner, or the official Twilight themed Bella and Edward engagement ring (oh, you think I’m kidding about that, don’t you?)
• You have cosplayed.
• You can play a medieval instrument and/or have been in a group which plays or sings such music.
• You speak a non-traditional language such as Elvish or Klingon, and you hang out with people who can understand you.

4c) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 10 points.

• You are first in line to get tickets for your favorite convention.
• You were forcibly ejected from Blizzcon after your class got nerfed.
• You’ve won a cosplay.
• Just one more drink, and you’ll work up the courage to talk to that Warlock in the corner…
• You swear you know how to use that sword you bought. Your hospital bills tell the truth.
• You know exactly when lightsabers are supposed to become technologically feasible. Plus 10 if you’ve already pre-ordered.
• Your best pickup line is “I’ve got a death sentence on 12 systems”.
• You have written love notes to someone in a non-traditional language.

EXTRA: Plus 50 points if you are in this video:

5) Computers

5a) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 1 point.

• You know what Linux is.
• You refer to your computer as your rig.
• 1 point for each alien and/or light on your rig.
• You know more programming languages than human languages.
• You have a blog.

5b) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 5 points.

• You run Linux.
• You have overclocked your computer and you SWEAR you notice the difference.
• You are reading this blog post inside a virtual machine.
• You have more than 2 computers per person in your house (and you need EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM).
• You know more programming languages than human languages, but that’s just as well, you’d rather talk to the computers.
• You are often known to have technical solutions, even in the absence of technical problems.
• You understand XKCD every single day.
• You have more than two blogs.

5c) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 10 points.

• You’ll be a contributor to Linux once that bastard Linus accepts your patch (2.6% faster TCP/IP performance!).
• You were featured on “pimpmyrig.com” before it shut down.
• You built a homepage for your dog.

EXTRA: Mr. S only, +10 points for reconfiguring Sci’s web browser and teaching her html during the writing of this post.

6) Games

6a) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 1 point.

• You’ve nearly lost friendships over a Risk game.
• You know what MMORPG, RPG, LARP, and FPS stand for, and use them in your daily speech.
• Give yourself one point for every level of your in-game character. For those who have more than one, use the highest ranking character.
• You reserve a special level in the food pyramid for Mountain Dew, Pocky, and Doritos.
• Your neighbors wonder why they keep hearing you scream “BOOM! HEADSHOT!”

6b) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 5 points.

• You don’t notice whether your socks match, but ALWAYS spot someone trying to play a Juggernaut for only 3 mana.
• When Starcraft 2 is released, your significant other will question your existence.
• You know exactly when the next season of The Guild starts.
• You drink Bawls.
• Changing your build order is a major life decision.
• THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!!!

6c) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 10 points.

• You know the phrase “I’ll twiddle your splitting slug” is not half as dirty as it sounds.
• Warhammer. Yeah, I said it.
• You play at least one text-based browser game.
• Your APM is over 200, and you have fan girls in other nations.
• During a date, you reach into your pocket for your glasses and accidentally pull out your 20 sided die.
• Your life is disturbingly like The Guild.

7) Science

7a) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 1 point.

• You read science blogs.
• You read Hawking/Darwin/Feynman/Gould/etc for pleasure.

7b) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 5 points.

• You write a science blog.
• You regularly wear science related clothing, accessories, or other items.
• You know all the elements in the periodic table. In fact, you can sing them.

7c) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 10 points.

• You BLOG about what it’s like to write a science blog (Meta!!!!).
• You’ve tattooed something scientific on your body.
• It’s been years, and you STILL wish you’d taken another semester of Diff Eq.

8. Final section

8a) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 1 point.

• You have something here that you KNOW Sci missed and you’re going to tell her about it in the comments.

8b) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 5 points.

• You have carefully noted each of the grammatical and spelling errors Sci has committed in this post, and are going to tell her about it in the comments.
• You believe this study is hopelessly flawed and are already planning to create your own version.

8c) For each of the following that applies to you, give yourself 10 points.

• You believe this study is hopelessly flawed, are planning to create your own version, and are going to code it all yourself so it really is THAT MUCH COOLER.

So??

How did you do?

0-50 points: You’re not a geek. Nice try. Now go steal that guy’s lunch money.

50-100 points: You’re sort of a geek. Probably you hide it.

100-200 points: You are a geek! Hold your 20 sided die aloft with PRIDE!

200-400 points: Your skin probably suffers from lack of sunlight and you should probably consider getting some vegetables into your diet.

400-756 points (computed with the possibility of bonus points and on the assumption that the highest ranking single character in an MMORPG at the moment is 80): GEEEEEEEEK!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!*

*Sci and Mr. S would hereby like to state that we LOVE nerds, geeks, and dorks.  We are some of them.  Based on this ranking system, Sci has a score of 207 and Mr. S has a score of 272, and if you have a score of 50 or higher, we’d love to hang out sometime. Higher scores than that, we’d probably be sadly outclassed. 🙂  Sci will gladly debate with you the merits and issues with the plot developments of the Martin novels, and Mr. S will let you play with his level 80 Paladin. And then we’ll all watch the new episode of The Guild that just went up.

**Sci and Mr. S would also like to note that this is by no means a comprehensive list, and is in fact just what they were thinking of at the time before they got bored.