I might be a climate change denier*

So Mr. SiT and I were sitting around the dinner table last night.  A lot of funny things happen when Mr. S is around.  This is mostly because Mr. S is extremely humorous and witty.  Sci is witty too.  We often have explosions of hilarity and wittiness the like of which were commonly seen in upper class pubs in the UK in the late 19th century.

And we were talking about pirates.  We were talking about how you’ve been seeing a lot more pirates in the news lately.  There never really were a lot of pirates around to begin with, but those that were and are around consistently got and get a lot of press.  So basically, it seems that there were extremely low numbers of pirates before, and higher numbers of pirates now.

And then we thought, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GRAPH?!

Which graph, you say?

This one:

(Originally from venganza.org, which appears to no longer be there.  What gives?)

In the graph above, you can see the number of pirates plotted against the average global temperature.  You can see that the global temperature goes UP as the number of pirates goes DOWN.

But, if the number of pirates are going UP…

This can only mean one of three things.

1) The Flying Spaghetti Monster, in his infinite noodlyness, has put more pirates on this earth to save us all from global warming.

2) Global warming is NOT a function of the number of pirates on earth and THEREFORE MUST NOT EXIST.

3) It’s been dang hot up in here, clearly we need MOAR PIRATZ!!!

So become a pirate, you guys.  It’s good for the environment.

*For the record and for those who will attempt to take me out of context, Sci thinks climate change is a seriously important issue which DOES exist and which is caused in great part by the idiocies of the human species.

11 Responses

  1. But aren’t pirates also correlated with ninjas? How do they figure into this mess?

  2. The purpose of a ninja is to flip out and kill people, not to stop global warming.

  3. Obviously there’s more to climate change than we thought and I, personally, find this very exciting: we are on the brink of a new paradigm!

    I suspect the number of pirates is inversely proportional to the number of black daiseys in James Lovelock’s garden.

  4. The graph I used to like to show people showed an index of the extent of women’s legal rights worldwide (I think it was number of countries allowing women to participate in government) and global temperature. Same bogus point, but it got people a lot more riled up.

    I, for one, deny the piratogenic climate change hypothesis – it’s just a scare tactic being pushed on us by corporate-controlled politician pseudo-scientists! And you know I’m right because I get my information from a reliable source: FOX News.

  5. There’ll be a lot less pirates when Global Draining leaves our oceans empty.

  6. I’m sorry, but news reports and anecdotal accounts of increasing piracy is NOT hard evidence that the number of pirates is actually increasing. Do we have core samples from ancient ship wrecks? Satellite data with precise measurements of pirate populations? I think not!

    I shall remain skeptical until I see some real evidence that this phenomenon is actually happening and not simply the invention of the media, which has a financial interest in reporting increasing pirate attacks.

  7. I think we need a new model to take into account the awesome hotness of certain modern pirates . While the Natural Moral Law is for there to be an inverse relationship between global warming and piracy, Disney has perverted that (and all other things Natural and Good), by providing us with Johnny Depp as a pirate.

  8. Is it possible that Pirates are becoming more concentrated in various places than their overall number is increasing? Perhaps, much like the return on salmon to spawn…or the coming of the impending ice age…or the life ending cataclysmic impact event we all seem to be looking forward to, pirates are simply following their innate need to gather together once again. Perhaps when their numbers have grown enough…they will begin to build ships and plunder the seas once more…or not.

  9. For one thing, 17-18 century would’ve included privateers (sanctioned to attack enemy merchant vessels during wartime) in addition to “free agents.”

    While there has been an increase in pirate activity off the coast of Somalia, no modern state engages in privateering as a means of waging war. If piracy is going down in Indonesia and the South China Sea, then I suspect that global piracy is indeed at its lowest rate today.

  10. This reminds me of another extraordinary correlation is causation – the association of a reduction in the incidence of certain cancers and cell phone usage. So, I guess in all this wisdom, we can draw the conclusion that not only should we all become pirates out of our own environmental consciousness, but we should also utilize the curative properties of cellular phones.

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